After the Caregiving is Over (It Ain't Over Yet)

Since my husband passed away, I've been going through some trials and tribulations. I've been having to look for work and in this economy this is really tough. Finding work in my field is tricky enough as is. I've also been having fun with the bank, worried about losing my home, having appliances break down around me, working as executrix for the husband  and trying to get onto welfare so I can survive until I get that elusive job.(This is why I've not been posting). Of course there is more going on but I'm doing all of this while I am still grieving. I will admit that I am starting to feel a bit better. Finally, I am able to keep a thought in my head longer that 5 minutes (not that I was any better before but it feels like it). My home is still a disaster area but now I have an idea of what a pile of papers has and what in it.

I just want to give you some of my opinions, in no particular order, as to how to help yourself after your loved one passes away (hopefully not for a long time).

1. If needed, you can always ask your pharmacy and your cable/phone/cell/satellite provider for copies of your past bills etc. on paper by snail mail. It may cost you some money on your next bill but then you have them, usually in order, and everything. Also always good for tax season.
2. Always ask for an expert opinion on anything you think is valuable. Also ask for more than one opinion. Shop around. The first price you're given may not be the best price you'd get. For example, I have an Inuit sculpture that weighs about 40 lb that my husband won as the first Canadian to win in the British TV game show Mastermind. I went to an auction house and they informed me that it could reach $700 CA at auction.(This is my first price) Now I'm not gonna sell, but just that one price tells me what it could be worth. If I ever decide to sell, I'm going to try to find a dealer who knows what it is truly worth and give me a decent price (I'm not going to sell).
3. Take time for your self. In my opinion this is the most important one. You have been caregiving for a while and after the caregiving is over you have to figure out who you are! You have been wrapped up in medications, nursing, etc., etc., etc..I talked to a lady who was the receptionist at my local welfare office and even one year later after her husband's death (which was sudden) she still has problems with "widow's brain"! You have been taking care of others and you're gonna feel lost (I know). Take the time you need, get help you need, be as tough as you are and pamper yourself! (a friend is taking me to the movies....I haven't been to the movies for almost 18 years!) Enjoy yourself and possibly find a group that understands and goes for coffee or whatever ( I'll admit that I haven't gone yet)  but an excellent site is meetup.com they have all sorts of meetings all around the world.
4. Help is out there. Whether it be family, friends, an accountant, lawyer, minister, chat group, website, family doctor or psychiatrist there is always someone to help. 
5. Try not to use alcohol too much. This may sound like a no-brainer but sometimes it feels good to get drunk after a death (I'm of Irish descent and like a good wake and also for me it's too easy). The problem is not so much that you are drinking, it's how it affects what and how you are doing. If you're drinking and can't get up in the morning, take a look at yourself and ask yourself why you drank that much the night before...I'd bet it's about the pain in your heart and that you wanted to forget and sleep because otherwise you couldn't.(been there, done that, doesn't work).
6. Ask, ask, ask. This is my second most important point.(mind you, it could be the most important also see number one) If you never ask you never know. Today I've been worried about my mortgage and condo fees. I called my mortgage broker and talked to the condo office and they were very accommodating. Once I get the money to pay them I have to let them know but, if I had not, then I could have been facing lot of trouble and extra fees of up to $300 CA. The trick is if you know a bill/automatic withdrawal/prepaid is coming up, give them a call and at least 1 business week beforehand (5 days, no weekends) to help you.

Hoped this helped,

Jerith

Never too Old to be Cool

Image Via Pinterest

A newish website for Canadian caregivers

I was reading the Toronto Star the other day and they had an article for caregivers. The one thing I noticed was that someone beat me to being an acknowledged source for caregivers. I'm not bitter, rather I'm glad that someone helped get this knowledge out there and that they were lucky enough to have resources that I don't. Anyway, the site is called Canada Cares. They have a toll-free number so you can get information from practical nurses as well as web tools to help you find the resources that you need. One thing that I wish is that this was in existence when I was a caregiver for my husband.  I hope that this website will help you in your caregiving journey.

Daylight Saving Time Reminder 2013

I know I'm early with this but this Sunday November 3 at 2 am  is the beginning of daylight savings time. So remember to Fall Back one hour. Also check your smoke detector batteries particularly before the Christmas season, we don't want any tree fires to hurt anyone.