Actively Listening: A Powerful Art

Photo by Jerith Sykes

Getting frustrated and angry is a normal part of life. (Cliche, I know) But it is a good thing to remember. Both you and your loved one are going to get frustrated and angry because of your changing roles. You are learning to become a caregiver while they are learning to be a patient on top of everything else.  The trick is to find a way to get through the rough times. 

Meditation, deep breathing, prayer, counting or repeating a mantra  are simple things to do for yourself to keep balanced but are some of the hardest things to remember to do when you are seeing red. I find by taking 5 minutes to walk away and splash some water on my face it may be just enough to change my perspective and allow everyone to calm down. I then do my deep breathing and return to actively Listen to what is being said.

 Active listening is one of the hardest things I have ever learnt and am still learning how to do. To learn to actively listen requires determination and concentration. Active listening is, basically, rephrasing what you have heard the other person saying, in your own words, usually in the form of a question and not parroting that information back at them. You may have heard your doctor do this when you were presenting them with a problem.

 Active listening helps to clarify the situation, avoid conflict and misunderstandings. It also shows that you have heard and understood what is being said to you. By actively listening you are gaining information and a deeper understanding which will allow you to respond appropriately to the other person and for you both to find solutions.

 By truly listening the other person as you would like to be, almost as if you are in their shoes, you are better able to understand their perspective, even if you don't agree, and it allows you to both to consider feelings, alternatives and responses in a non judgmental way. A great article on active listening is http://www.go2itech.org/HTML/CM08/toolkit/links/print/Mentoring/Active_Listening.pdf by Kathleen Robinson. The article is from a medical perspective but is applicable to anyone.  

Practicing active listening takes patience and concentration by giving the other person your undivided attention to everything that is being said both verbally and non verbally. I sometimes view it as a form of meditation , of being in the NOW, of listening with our whole being - body, mind and heart. It is a powerful tool that can help you get through the rough times and open ways that were previously denied.